This is about a show. You probably have never heard of it. It only lasted one season in the US when stupid NBC cancelled it just because it couldn't bludgeon the equally moronic CSI: Miami.
I love this show. I've been working in television for nine years and watching this show pretty much sums up the lives of people in the network. It was also amusing for me that one of their episodes --- The Focus Group --- is about ratings and viewership, which is what I'm really in GMA for.
The name of the show is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Look for it in youtube. There is a small cult following of very disappointed fans like me who, sure, got closure, but didn't get enough.
What was wrong with it? Was it the cast? Hell no. Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford ---- two of the most amazing actors in Hollywood, with the rare gift of both perfect comedic timing and heart-wretching drama --- lead an equally talented cast which includes the lovely Amanda Peet and the amazing Sarah Paulson (You should see her in Down With Love. She is so wonderful). Bradley Whitford could bash the head of David Caruso with his Emmy. He is that good.
Was it the writing? Oh God, no. CSI? That's bad writing. I love CSI, don't get me wrong. But try watching four CSI episodes in a row then pop in The X-files or The West Wing and you'd think Gil Grissom was a retard compared to Fox Mulder. CSI is about the science of it --- it's like an encyclopedia being read by pretty actors. (Sigh. Carmine Giovinazzo.) But writing-wise, bad bad bad.
Studio 60 can match the writing genius of The X-files, The West Wing, even Prison Break. Although, admittedly, it wasn't for the moronic.
So what was it?
Let me just lay down the facts first, so you could appreciate the irony. Studio 60 is about a variety/gag show, like, say, Bubble Gang. It's head honcho flips out on TV and gets fired by the network so they had to bring in these two guys, Matt and Danny --- think of them as Bitoy and Ogie Alcasid --- who once left the show because they made fun of the war in Iraq and their network wanted them to apologize for it. But they refused. (If you're a Democrat, you will see the comedy in it. If you're a Republican then... don't talk to me).
So it's basically about these two rebellious guys who are complete geniuses in the TV biz but, sadly, have to follow the rules of the network. They didn't care about the ratings. They didn't care about the sister companies of the network. They didn't care about the advertisers. They just did their thing and gave funnies.
Sadly, Studio 60 didn't bring in the ratings because it was up against CSI Miami. In my mind, it was like putting up a show like I Witness against Wowowee. Even if I Witness outlines completely how we as a nation can solve poverty and our political crisis, even if I Witness features a full-length documentary on how our taxes are siphoned into the pockets of politicians, people are still going to tune into Willie Frigging Revillame.
Similarly, Americans are stupid that way ----- "Yay for Horatio Caine and the weekly boobage and the exploding trucks and airplanes, boo for a show that makes me think and has no sex in it" --- so they tuned out of Studio 60.
So there. A show about two guys who didn't care for the ratings got cancelled because of the ratings. Irony for dinner.
High rating shows pretty much defines the intelligence of a nation. In the US, the no.1 show during this time of year is American Idol. Here in the Philippines, it's Marimar. The X-files hardly ever made it into the top 10. I Witness, Born to Be Wild, The Beat, Balikbayan, hardly ever make it to the top 50.
You are what you watch.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Rumaragasang Baguio 1
Let me begin with a longish -- but necessary -- prologue-slash-premise. The week before the Baguio trip had been hell at work. We were preparing for the crazy hectic albeit successful client party at the NBC tent. The morning before the party and the Baguio trip, I had to pack for both... the party and the Baguio trip. So I was lagging way too many bags for a typical Friday.
At the end of the party, I was too tired and too hungry to even care that Dennis Trillo was mere inches from my face a while ago (he was whispering something to me.... unfortunately, non-erotic). And I was also really close to cancelling my whole trip with (and remember, these will be their codenames for the rest of the blog) my friends: the girlish Spaghetti, the massive (and the only male) Pan Fried Chicken, and the plump Cheese Pancake. I was, after all, a text away. And all I had to say was "Omigod, my feet hurt, I haven't eaten, I haven't slept, please, please, please, don't make me go to Baguio!"
Which is another thing. I'm not too crazy about Baguio. My previous trips have been obligatory. I was, in essence, dragged around my nose for both trips, not being able to decide where and when to go. So when they said "Baguio", I wasn't completely sold on the idea.
But on the last minute, I said "Damn it, I deserve this trip. I have to get away from the city. And I need to not care about work for a while"
So when the party ended, I slung my three or four bags and headed for our meeting place.
Day 1
Forgive me if I fail to document the first five hours of Day 1. As my prologue had explained, I was practically a zombie by this time. All I remember is having to listen to "Careless Whisper" about three or four times, thanks to Spaghetti and her 80s CD. I also remember swearing a lot.
By the time I got to my senses, we were already at Hacienda Luisita for a quick coffee stop. There's an old train on display there so we took a quick photo op. I think.
When we were back on the road, I offered my mp3 collection of 90s songs which included great classics like The Sign by Ace of Base ("And it opened up my eyes... I saw the sign!"), End of the Road by Boyz 2 Men ("It's so natural .... you belong to me... I belong to youuuuu"), and every girl's favorite, the Wilson Philips classic "You're In Love" which Cheese Pancake said is best sung while crying. ("You're in love.... and I know... that you're not in love with me.... T*ngina!").
Our next stop: Razon's. I had arrozcaldo while my friends had halu-halo. At 9 in the morning. Which is completely against my principles even before I had started dieting. I don't know. Breakfast is just for hot food. I've always believed that.
You know you're already in Baguio when you've stopped at the Lion's Head. Of course, we got off the spanking new Honda Jazz that Pan Fried Chicken had been driving for hours, and posed beside the Lion's head for yet another photo op. But the monument was so massive that you can't have a picture of the whole head without us being reduced to mere centimeters in the picture. So instead of snapping a photo of the lion's head on our background, we got pictures of the lion's cheek, the lion's mane and the lion's nose.
When we got to Baguio proper, we did what every tourist would traditionally do --- get lost. We drove around town looking for our hotel, Pines View. "Malapit lang sa Session Road" the Pines View contact said over the phone. "Malapit" in Baguio lingo, is apparently equivalent to 10 kilometers. When we got to where Pines View was, it was obvious that the hotel was really near Session Road ---- by flying.
It was a good thing that Pines View Hotel didn't disappoint. Our room was spacious and clean with an awesome view of the city (and Session Road). The first thing I did --- since it's my job --- is to check if the reception of GMA is good in this area. And it is. When I went around the city the next day, a quick inspection showed that many of the people here are proud to be Kapuso.
Back to the hotel room --- my only qualm is that the bathroom had no tub. What a sacrilege! A hotel room without a tub!
After driving around Baguio for an hour, we decided to ditch the jazz and take a cab around the city. We had decided to have lunch at Behrouz which we saw on our way to the hotel. We had estimated that we can walk to the restaurant so we did.
When we got to Behrouz, it was closed. Wonderfrickingful.
Our alternative proved to be worth the Behrouz-disappointment.... Cafe by the Ruins. Cheese Pancake had frequented Baguio so the restaurant was at the top of her list of places to go to.
This lovely restaurant is, in fact, built on a ruined building. For appetizers, we had basil bread and camote bread, both of which were wonderful with the cheese and strawberry spread. For the main dish, Cheese Pancake, Pan Fried Chicken and Spaghetti had the tapa while I had the Ole Nick Open-Faced Tuna sandwich. One, because I didn't want all of us to have the tapa like college freshmen on the first day of school, and two, because of how the dish was described --- the great Nick Joaquin had invented said dish. It was a simple pan-fried bread topped with tuna sauteed in tomatoes. With a side dish of mustard, it was a healthy and filling little lunch.
As much as I was enjoying my first few hours in Baguio, my body was about to give up on me, screaming "Go to sleep, dammit!". So we went back to the hotel room and I passed out for a few hours.
Whatever happened during those hours, you can just ask those three...
Day 1, Night Time
We had debated whether to go to Camp John Hay in the dead of night after this morning's run-around so we decided to have dinner at the restaurant downstairs and have beer delivered to our room. As it turns out, keeping it simple can be a lot of fun.
The restaurant was wonderful. We had traditional fried chicken, really good chopsuey, brocolli in oyster sauce, and fresh fruits while playing the first game of the trip: Deal Breaker.
Deal Breaker is simple: Pan Fried Chicken (again, the only male) gives a guy's characteristic and we answer whether we would still pursue a relationship with this guy if we discovered said characteristic. Some of the options where the following:
1. If a guy is too rich
2. If a guy is too poor/a bum/has no money
3. If a guy has had a sexual encounter with another guy (we all agreed... get him checked first)
4. If a guy had been married
5. If a guy has childish hobbies like toys and comic books (sigh. we've all had that guy)
6. If a guy is a cheapskate (we all responded "No way!!!")
7. A foreigner guy (which we're okay with as long as he takes a bath)
8. A short guy
9. A guy who continues to be friends with his ex
10. A guy too good-looking for us
We took the game upstairs where we had beers.
Now, Pan Fried Chicken not only had the pleasure of introducing Deal Breaker to us, he also had the rare opportunity ---- being the only hetero male --- of answering a question every single girl is dying to ask: "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US"
The discussion proved pretty long, having to dig up stories about our past relationships while talking about our current pseudo- ones. In summary, Pan Fried Chicken concluded the following:
What's Wrong with Spaghetti
1. Her father still takes her to/fetches her from work.
2. She lives really far
What's Wrong with Cheese Pancake
1. Her plumpness
2. Having a small circle of friends with no eligible men in it
What's Wrong with Me
1. I have a son
2. I have bad posture
There was one thing that was common among the three girls: "Magaling kayong mambara".
Well, ain't that a revelation.
But Pan Fried Chicken was quick to make a positive comeback via the Bozo Bit.
Now, what the hell is a Bozo Bit?
A bozo bit, according to wikipedia (that ever reliable source of information --- can you smell my sarcasm?), means completely disregarding the opinion of a person, a "Bozo", meaning whatever he says, even if it makes sense, you would completely disregard it just because of his reputation. I can name many people at work worthy of this tag.
Anyways, Pan Fried Chicken said "I can never think of you guys as a bozo bit". Which is a compliment --- if you get to know him --- that only Pan Fried Chicken could give.
We retired early, at 11 am, taking advantage of the nice cool Baguio breeze as I settled into the first real sleep I've had in days.
And then there's Day 2.
At the end of the party, I was too tired and too hungry to even care that Dennis Trillo was mere inches from my face a while ago (he was whispering something to me.... unfortunately, non-erotic). And I was also really close to cancelling my whole trip with (and remember, these will be their codenames for the rest of the blog) my friends: the girlish Spaghetti, the massive (and the only male) Pan Fried Chicken, and the plump Cheese Pancake. I was, after all, a text away. And all I had to say was "Omigod, my feet hurt, I haven't eaten, I haven't slept, please, please, please, don't make me go to Baguio!"
Which is another thing. I'm not too crazy about Baguio. My previous trips have been obligatory. I was, in essence, dragged around my nose for both trips, not being able to decide where and when to go. So when they said "Baguio", I wasn't completely sold on the idea.
But on the last minute, I said "Damn it, I deserve this trip. I have to get away from the city. And I need to not care about work for a while"
So when the party ended, I slung my three or four bags and headed for our meeting place.
Day 1
Forgive me if I fail to document the first five hours of Day 1. As my prologue had explained, I was practically a zombie by this time. All I remember is having to listen to "Careless Whisper" about three or four times, thanks to Spaghetti and her 80s CD. I also remember swearing a lot.
By the time I got to my senses, we were already at Hacienda Luisita for a quick coffee stop. There's an old train on display there so we took a quick photo op. I think.
When we were back on the road, I offered my mp3 collection of 90s songs which included great classics like The Sign by Ace of Base ("And it opened up my eyes... I saw the sign!"), End of the Road by Boyz 2 Men ("It's so natural .... you belong to me... I belong to youuuuu"), and every girl's favorite, the Wilson Philips classic "You're In Love" which Cheese Pancake said is best sung while crying. ("You're in love.... and I know... that you're not in love with me.... T*ngina!").
Our next stop: Razon's. I had arrozcaldo while my friends had halu-halo. At 9 in the morning. Which is completely against my principles even before I had started dieting. I don't know. Breakfast is just for hot food. I've always believed that.
You know you're already in Baguio when you've stopped at the Lion's Head. Of course, we got off the spanking new Honda Jazz that Pan Fried Chicken had been driving for hours, and posed beside the Lion's head for yet another photo op. But the monument was so massive that you can't have a picture of the whole head without us being reduced to mere centimeters in the picture. So instead of snapping a photo of the lion's head on our background, we got pictures of the lion's cheek, the lion's mane and the lion's nose.
When we got to Baguio proper, we did what every tourist would traditionally do --- get lost. We drove around town looking for our hotel, Pines View. "Malapit lang sa Session Road" the Pines View contact said over the phone. "Malapit" in Baguio lingo, is apparently equivalent to 10 kilometers. When we got to where Pines View was, it was obvious that the hotel was really near Session Road ---- by flying.
It was a good thing that Pines View Hotel didn't disappoint. Our room was spacious and clean with an awesome view of the city (and Session Road). The first thing I did --- since it's my job --- is to check if the reception of GMA is good in this area. And it is. When I went around the city the next day, a quick inspection showed that many of the people here are proud to be Kapuso.
Back to the hotel room --- my only qualm is that the bathroom had no tub. What a sacrilege! A hotel room without a tub!
After driving around Baguio for an hour, we decided to ditch the jazz and take a cab around the city. We had decided to have lunch at Behrouz which we saw on our way to the hotel. We had estimated that we can walk to the restaurant so we did.
When we got to Behrouz, it was closed. Wonderfrickingful.
Our alternative proved to be worth the Behrouz-disappointment.... Cafe by the Ruins. Cheese Pancake had frequented Baguio so the restaurant was at the top of her list of places to go to.
This lovely restaurant is, in fact, built on a ruined building. For appetizers, we had basil bread and camote bread, both of which were wonderful with the cheese and strawberry spread. For the main dish, Cheese Pancake, Pan Fried Chicken and Spaghetti had the tapa while I had the Ole Nick Open-Faced Tuna sandwich. One, because I didn't want all of us to have the tapa like college freshmen on the first day of school, and two, because of how the dish was described --- the great Nick Joaquin had invented said dish. It was a simple pan-fried bread topped with tuna sauteed in tomatoes. With a side dish of mustard, it was a healthy and filling little lunch.
As much as I was enjoying my first few hours in Baguio, my body was about to give up on me, screaming "Go to sleep, dammit!". So we went back to the hotel room and I passed out for a few hours.
Whatever happened during those hours, you can just ask those three...
Day 1, Night Time
We had debated whether to go to Camp John Hay in the dead of night after this morning's run-around so we decided to have dinner at the restaurant downstairs and have beer delivered to our room. As it turns out, keeping it simple can be a lot of fun.
The restaurant was wonderful. We had traditional fried chicken, really good chopsuey, brocolli in oyster sauce, and fresh fruits while playing the first game of the trip: Deal Breaker.
Deal Breaker is simple: Pan Fried Chicken (again, the only male) gives a guy's characteristic and we answer whether we would still pursue a relationship with this guy if we discovered said characteristic. Some of the options where the following:
1. If a guy is too rich
2. If a guy is too poor/a bum/has no money
3. If a guy has had a sexual encounter with another guy (we all agreed... get him checked first)
4. If a guy had been married
5. If a guy has childish hobbies like toys and comic books (sigh. we've all had that guy)
6. If a guy is a cheapskate (we all responded "No way!!!")
7. A foreigner guy (which we're okay with as long as he takes a bath)
8. A short guy
9. A guy who continues to be friends with his ex
10. A guy too good-looking for us
We took the game upstairs where we had beers.
Now, Pan Fried Chicken not only had the pleasure of introducing Deal Breaker to us, he also had the rare opportunity ---- being the only hetero male --- of answering a question every single girl is dying to ask: "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US"
The discussion proved pretty long, having to dig up stories about our past relationships while talking about our current pseudo- ones. In summary, Pan Fried Chicken concluded the following:
What's Wrong with Spaghetti
1. Her father still takes her to/fetches her from work.
2. She lives really far
What's Wrong with Cheese Pancake
1. Her plumpness
2. Having a small circle of friends with no eligible men in it
What's Wrong with Me
1. I have a son
2. I have bad posture
There was one thing that was common among the three girls: "Magaling kayong mambara".
Well, ain't that a revelation.
But Pan Fried Chicken was quick to make a positive comeback via the Bozo Bit.
Now, what the hell is a Bozo Bit?
A bozo bit, according to wikipedia (that ever reliable source of information --- can you smell my sarcasm?), means completely disregarding the opinion of a person, a "Bozo", meaning whatever he says, even if it makes sense, you would completely disregard it just because of his reputation. I can name many people at work worthy of this tag.
Anyways, Pan Fried Chicken said "I can never think of you guys as a bozo bit". Which is a compliment --- if you get to know him --- that only Pan Fried Chicken could give.
We retired early, at 11 am, taking advantage of the nice cool Baguio breeze as I settled into the first real sleep I've had in days.
And then there's Day 2.
Dark Place
There are days where --- for absolutely no reason at all --- I just turn into a goblin. You know how the Harry Potter books describe goblins? They're grumpy for no reason. Sometimes, I just wake up goblinesque --- no good deed of any of my friends can sway me from my indulgence of the anger-bitterness-self-pity cocktail.
I will ignore texts. I will set aside work on purpose. I will have lunch by my lonesome. I will not take calls. It's my way of preserving my friendships and other relationships --- just get out of my freaking way for one freaking moment.
But I think I'm all better now. Maybe it's because I actually had dinner
I will ignore texts. I will set aside work on purpose. I will have lunch by my lonesome. I will not take calls. It's my way of preserving my friendships and other relationships --- just get out of my freaking way for one freaking moment.
But I think I'm all better now. Maybe it's because I actually had dinner
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Scenes from a Parent-Teacher Conference
Rooseveltian, Matthenian, Isko. I was a stuck up, grade-conscious snob in Roosevelt Grade School, a rebellious and hormonal teenager in St. Matthew's Academy and a laid-back, well-rounded mallrat in UP Diliman. Setting aside the fact that the University of the Philippines is undoubtedly and inarguably the best school of the country (haha, Atenistas and Lasalistas are fuming), I have always thought that Macho (nick for St. Matthew's Academy) was a better school than Roosevelt. I love Roosevelt, my friends there are intelligent and insane, but I had my share of tocino-peddling teachers. Really? In a private school? Yes.
Which is why there is no doubt in my mind where I was going to enrol my little Jacob.
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The speaker begins with the school's mission and vision. They say they "envision well-integrated individuals leading quality lives". I paused to think of me and my classmates and our neurosis and failed relationships and loser jobs and meager finances, all graduates of St. Matthew's Academy.
Guess they failed with us haha.
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The speaker then cites that since prayer is not taught in the US, their values have deteriorated.
"Kaya nangyari ang 7-11".
I bit my lip. (Then texted my friend about it haha). Was she talking about the dangers of Slurpees?
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RIght around the fourth mission and vision, I have tuned out and started texting my friends Extra Rice and Amazing Aloha.
Me: (Unnamed Guy Friend) is now sporting a blue Honda Jazz!
Amazing Aloha: Naks! Iba na mayaman!
Me: The loneliness is becoming unbearable.
Extra Rice: (after a while) Sorry pare natutulog ako nung nag-text ka ng loneliness mo e.
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After two very long and very boring hours of the orientation (which was actually a COMPLETE REPETITION of the handout they gave away earlier in the year), speaker returns to the stand and now generously chided the perils of television in a child's education.
Uh oh. She hit a soft spot.
She also goes on to say that television causes obesity. Last I checked eating too much while sitting on your ass all day causes obesity.
She also says that kids who watch more TV tend to be more violent. That explains why I hit people in the face as I meet them. (I'm being sarcastic).
At this point, I walked out.
I've worked for TV all my life and it's not a saintly business. It's a BUSINESS. If you entrust the education and values of your child to a box in the middle of the room, that's your fault.
Before they mention the word "GMA", I was out the gate.
ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY (Brought to you by Jollibee)
Girlfriends are underrated. I can’t say that enough. Parents, siblings, your children, yes, they can love you unconditionally too. But girlfriends, especially those in the same situation as you are (nearing or beyond thirty and single), are your equals --- women who understand what you are going through and would never judge you no matter how stupid you have acted. They would always be there in the best way they can, be it text message or email or whatnot. And they, along with countless other single women, have done the most outrageous things out of love (or what seemed like it), all for the sake of escaping the gripping sadness that loneliness brings.
These are some of their stories.
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A few days ago, in between sips of Gatorade, my friend Peach Mango Pie admitted to me that she is having an affair with a married man. Peach Mango Pie is a beautiful, intelligent, successful and a very much single woman. The married man I have met only once, by chance, in the mall with Peach Mango Pie. He looked like a decent man, he smelled good, he talked well.
But he’s married.
Married Guy is so guilty about his little affair that he can’t take Peach Mango Pie to dinner or a movie. He has to be so discrete to the point that he could only take Peach Mango Pie on dates to really far places like Bulacan or Laguna or Tagaytay, or have coffee at really late hours of the night.
But wherever Married Guy took her, Peach Mango Pie went.
One night, Peach Mango Pie and Married Guy were sitting outside a Starbucks, having coffee in some suburban province (Antipolo maybe or Cainta. Peach Mango Pie lives in Makati ) when Married Guy’s phone rings. It’s his wife. He tells his wife that he’s stuck at work and won’t make it at home until the next day. The wife whispers “Liar” and hangs up.
A pebble hits Married Guy’s coffee cup and they both look at the pebble-thrower. It was Married Guy’s wife.
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Swirly Bitz is a college professor. Over carrot cake and peppermint tea the other day, she told me of her latest love(fool) story.
Swirly Bitz teaches college math. One of her students is a handsome young guy. Young Guy is a textbook charmer --- a real gentleman, has a way with words, a nerdy techie but also a cool musician. And naturally, Swirly Bitz fell. Flat, face first, on the floor, blood and sweat and tears all around. She was hopelessly in love.
Swirly Bitz’ classes were towards the evening and Young Guy happened to go home to the same faraway suburban place as Swirly Bitz. Swirly Bitz has a car.
One night, Swirly Bitz saw that Young Guy was walking along the very long university avenue (oopsie, just gave away a clue) and decided to pull over. Swirly Bitz asked Young Guy to hop in. To make a long story short, she gave Young Guy a ride home.
As Young Guy descended the vehicle, Swirly Bitz reached for something in her glove compartment. Young Guy thought Swirly Bitz was going to give him an accustomed “beso” and leaned in.
Their lips missed each others cheeks and instead met one another.
Their kiss became heated and uncareful (I just made that word up). After a few minutes, they parted.
That night, Swirly Bitz checked her exams. Out of a 100 item quiz, Young Guy got only twelve correct answers.
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Extra Rice was fuming, while we had grilled chicken and buttered vegetables (three pieces of green beans), she told me this story.
After ten long years, Non Catholic Guy came back to the life of my friend Extra Rice. You see, Extra Rice and Non Catholic Guy spent three giggly albeit non-sexual years together in high school and then parted ways.
One random day, Non Catholic Guy texts Extra Rice and asks if they can have coffee.
“When?” Extra Rice asks.
“Around 1 o’clock later.” Non Catholic Guy answers.
Extra Rice looks at her watch. It’s eight in the evening. “You mean 1 o’clock tomorrow?”
“No. Later tonight” Non Catholic Guy answers.
For some reason, Extra Rice didn’t mind the abruptness and the unconventionality (ah, another new word!) of the offer and she went anyway. She was more curious, excited even, of the spontaneity of an old friend and lover.
When Extra Rice saw Non Catholic Guy at (yet another) suburban coffee shop, her heart melted. And her heart slowly jumped out of her chest as Non Catholic Guy walked faster towards her.
He didn’t even speak. He scooped her in his arms and kissed her. She was taken aback at first, but she felt the kiss was familiar and real. She kissed him back.
They broke the kiss. His hands caressed her face and she sighed deeply in his neck. As she was about to open her mouth to say something affectionate, his words drove a stake through her heart.
“I’m getting married”
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And now, my favorite.
Mango Caramel Sundae hasn’t dated in years. Which is why when she was set up on a date with an intelligent, young man who we will name Cerebro, Mango Caramel Sundae jumped at the opportunity.
On text, Cerebro lived up to his name. He was opinionated, political, humorous. He also sounded tall. He provided four to five days of teenage-like flirting on the cellphone.
The day came when Mango Caramel Sundae met with Cerebro. He said he would be the one tinkering with his laptop on the corner of the coffee shop (damn coffee shops).
And there next to the laptop sat Cerebro. He stood up. He wasn’t as tall as Mango Caramel Sundae thought. He wasn’t even as tall as Mango Caramel Sundae.
The date was pretty decent and the two were all polite, even business-like. But Mango Caramel Sunday could not deny to herself that she was disappointed.
And now Cerebro has stopped calling.
Should Mango Caramel Sundae mourn over a guy she’s not even crazy about? Does she miss the guy or what the guy represents? Is there a chance that it’s Mango Caramel Sundae’s fault that she was born tall? Should Mango Caramel Sunday send him growth pills?
Submit your answers.
The Wit and Wisdom of Greg Behrendt
Look up this guy. Greg Behrendt. And his book (with Liz Tuccillo) "He's Just Not That Into You". It is a woman-empowering book that will change your dating life (if you have one... as if I do) forever.
The book can be summed up in the following very simple statements. Girls, think it over. It'll really help you dump that moron you've been dating for years but couldn't find a reason to:
1. If a guy likes you, he will do something about it. Neither hailstorm nor earthquake can prevent him from reaching for that phone and making you feel that you are important.
2. Conversely, a guy who will NOT DO ANYTHING --- not ask for your number, not call, not text, not invite you to dinner --- is not that into you.
3. If he's not that into you, SO THE HELL WHAT. Even Cindy Crawford has guys saying "What's the big deal?".
4. Have faith (haha... I have this on post-it on my desk). Don't give up. The first step is to be more confident and empowered. Men, apparently, are attracted to confidence and not self-pity.
5. A guy who is not asking you out --- FORMALLY --- on an OFFICIAL date is not that into you. (Ugh. Believe me. I learned this first hand). A guy who is into you would want to make it clear that he is interested in you beyond just being friends.
6. A guy who doesn't want to marry you is not that into you. (Ouch). Even if he doesn't want to marry you YET. Like I said, there is nothing to stop him --- not his emotional stability, not his finances, not his family --- if he truly wants to be with you.
7. A guy who doesn't want to be physically intimate with you is not that into you. Please. Guys love to touch.
8. A guy who doesn't want to improve himself for you is not that into you. The jobless, the bums, the still-lives-with-mom.... love can and should change a man's life. And if he's still not changing because of you, the harsh truth is he might change for some other girl
9. A guy who constantly breaks up (and gets together then breaks up) with you is not that into you. He just doesn't want to be lonely. The best thing to do with Mr. Needy is to sever all ties.
10. And finally, Don't waste the pretty! We're all pretty, girls. If you have ever been at the receiving end of a man's admiration (no matter how repulsive his fez is), if you have ever been at the receiving end of a man's attention and affection (boy, do i miss that), then YOU, my friend, ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT UGLY. So why are you going to waste your lovely face on a guy who isn't interested?
Commence the comments. I'm sure the guys would flip.
The book can be summed up in the following very simple statements. Girls, think it over. It'll really help you dump that moron you've been dating for years but couldn't find a reason to:
1. If a guy likes you, he will do something about it. Neither hailstorm nor earthquake can prevent him from reaching for that phone and making you feel that you are important.
2. Conversely, a guy who will NOT DO ANYTHING --- not ask for your number, not call, not text, not invite you to dinner --- is not that into you.
3. If he's not that into you, SO THE HELL WHAT. Even Cindy Crawford has guys saying "What's the big deal?".
4. Have faith (haha... I have this on post-it on my desk). Don't give up. The first step is to be more confident and empowered. Men, apparently, are attracted to confidence and not self-pity.
5. A guy who is not asking you out --- FORMALLY --- on an OFFICIAL date is not that into you. (Ugh. Believe me. I learned this first hand). A guy who is into you would want to make it clear that he is interested in you beyond just being friends.
6. A guy who doesn't want to marry you is not that into you. (Ouch). Even if he doesn't want to marry you YET. Like I said, there is nothing to stop him --- not his emotional stability, not his finances, not his family --- if he truly wants to be with you.
7. A guy who doesn't want to be physically intimate with you is not that into you. Please. Guys love to touch.
8. A guy who doesn't want to improve himself for you is not that into you. The jobless, the bums, the still-lives-with-mom.... love can and should change a man's life. And if he's still not changing because of you, the harsh truth is he might change for some other girl
9. A guy who constantly breaks up (and gets together then breaks up) with you is not that into you. He just doesn't want to be lonely. The best thing to do with Mr. Needy is to sever all ties.
10. And finally, Don't waste the pretty! We're all pretty, girls. If you have ever been at the receiving end of a man's admiration (no matter how repulsive his fez is), if you have ever been at the receiving end of a man's attention and affection (boy, do i miss that), then YOU, my friend, ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT UGLY. So why are you going to waste your lovely face on a guy who isn't interested?
Commence the comments. I'm sure the guys would flip.
Respect The Process
As we reach the second half of the year, one of the most important lessons I've learned is this: You must respect the process.
Everything in life goes through a process. An organism's gestation in a mother's womb, turning a caterpillar into a butterfly, photosynthesis, evaporation and condensation (and I'm not talking about milk), cryogenics, asexual (and even sexual) reproduction. And each of these processes are bound by an uncontrollable variable: TIME.
[QUICK SIDEBAR: This has helped me, for example, be a better cook. I used to be very impatient, cooking over high fire, undercooking vegetables, for example. But since I've learned to be more patient, more respectful of the process so to speak, my cooking has improved (I think).]
And I realize that this applies to every other aspect in our lives. In our careers. In our relationships. In our personal struggles.
Do you believe that right now, right this moment, everything around you is conspiring to make you reach an inevitable goal? The weather, the tiniest comments of people about you, circumstances --- all of these are aligning to put you in a situation that will get that train going.
Do you believe that right now, someone has you on his mind, it could be because of what you can do, what you have, or how deeply you mean to that person? Do you believe that his daily thoughts will culminate to an event that will change your life forever? He could either fire you or promote you. Or ask you to marry him or break your heart.
Either way, it's part of a process. That's what's so magical about it--- how millions of different variables will come together to make you who you will be.
But the trick to accepting it all is to have faith. Have faith in the process. Like my friend Tisay used to tell me: "It's always okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end."
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