Scenes from a Parent-Teacher Conference

Rooseveltian, Matthenian, Isko. I was a stuck up, grade-conscious snob in Roosevelt Grade School, a rebellious and hormonal teenager in St. Matthew's Academy and a laid-back, well-rounded mallrat in UP Diliman. Setting aside the fact that the University of the Philippines is undoubtedly and inarguably the best school of the country (haha, Atenistas and Lasalistas are fuming), I have always thought that Macho (nick for St. Matthew's Academy) was a better school than Roosevelt. I love Roosevelt, my friends there are intelligent and insane, but I had my share of tocino-peddling teachers. Really? In a private school? Yes.

Which is why there is no doubt in my mind where I was going to enrol my little Jacob.

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The speaker begins with the school's mission and vision. They say they "envision well-integrated individuals leading quality lives". I paused to think of me and my classmates and our neurosis and failed relationships and loser jobs and meager finances, all graduates of St. Matthew's Academy.

Guess they failed with us haha.

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The speaker then cites that since prayer is not taught in the US, their values have deteriorated.

"Kaya nangyari ang 7-11".

I bit my lip. (Then texted my friend about it haha). Was she talking about the dangers of Slurpees?

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RIght around the fourth mission and vision, I have tuned out and started texting my friends Extra Rice and Amazing Aloha.

Me: (Unnamed Guy Friend) is now sporting a blue Honda Jazz!

Amazing Aloha: Naks! Iba na mayaman!

Me: The loneliness is becoming unbearable.

Extra Rice: (after a while) Sorry pare natutulog ako nung nag-text ka ng loneliness mo e.

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After two very long and very boring hours of the orientation (which was actually a COMPLETE REPETITION of the handout they gave away earlier in the year), speaker returns to the stand and now generously chided the perils of television in a child's education.

Uh oh. She hit a soft spot.

She also goes on to say that television causes obesity. Last I checked eating too much while sitting on your ass all day causes obesity.

She also says that kids who watch more TV tend to be more violent. That explains why I hit people in the face as I meet them. (I'm being sarcastic).

At this point, I walked out.

I've worked for TV all my life and it's not a saintly business. It's a BUSINESS. If you entrust the education and values of your child to a box in the middle of the room, that's your fault.
Before they mention the word "GMA", I was out the gate.